The part of me that is not missing but dead

People say you fall in love and 

fall out of love, 

but once you love somebody, you never really stop loving them. 

You fell out of love 

with me. 

No matter what I do, who I am with, how successful I am, 

I always feel a part of me is dead. 

You cut a hole in my history, and I can never really feel complete again.

All we have is this moment

Here we are, you holding me in your arms. I want to look into your brown eyes but I can't get over how the strands of your hair fall so softly on your forehead. No words are said. Questions would fall into silence; we are both scared of the unknown. Your silence reminds me that all I have is this present moment. I can't alter your past or anticipate our future. I squeeze your arms a little tighter as if it helps me hold on to this moment longer, as if it makes this moment with you more real. All we ever have is each other right now. And that much is enough for me.

As simple as a change of heart

Sometimes all that's left is silence. Sometimes answers are not important anymore, when it could have just been as simple as a change of heart.

One day, maybe in the past, maybe in the near future, I have, or will stop being in love with you, and then stop loving you altogether. But will I stop caring? Should I stop caring, when it is ingrained in the survival instinct of a woman to take care of whom she loves, but it brings shots of pain to my heart to even hear your voice?

Unspectacular in infinity

"

All at once everything was lost

Yet somewhere else it could be found

"

Moments scribbled down

Laughter, tears, memories, memories of memories, alcohol, throw up, all nighter, nightmare, slacking off, ... we did it all

BFF1: "Ye every time I think about him I just want to throw up, like my stomach gets really sick. That's why people drink till they throw up because of intoxication not of memories I guess."
BFF2: "Lol or you just forget the whole thing and eat cupcakes with your friends"

BFF1: "I just needed him to tell me that it's over. He said dating his new girlfriend gave him "perspective". Aah"
BFF2: "Perspective"? Lol. I guess you need some of that too girl"

BFF2: "Still talking to him is not impossible, but it's hard. And you two don't bro out. You will never be bros, then you have to be someone that he wants to be friends with."
BFF1: "Nah I think I'm just gonna be me."
BFF2: "Now I feel dumb"

BFF2: "And the worst part about the whole thing is that he's short. He acts like he's gonna come back and take care of us poor people, and that puts shame to all the taller people like me!"

Have a good day

When I tell you "Have a good day", I don't mean just another mindless substitute for an awkward goodbye. I mean "go on and make the best out of today". Put on make up, or wear no make up at all. I mean "smile at strangers and be nice to one another". Try something new and call an old friend. Feel the feelings you've not had in a while. For life is so short and will end in no predictable way, why not take this opportunity and make the best out of it?

So when someone tells you to "have a good day", stop taking it as an empty goodbye. Go out there and have the best day of your life.

(Dedicated to the beautiful bartender who gave me an undercooked taco. My breakfast sucked but you're still beautiful and our relationship is still OK)

Hearts can heal

For all the air that's in your lungs
For all the joy that is to come
For all the things that you're alive to feel
Just let the pain remind you hearts can heal

(A Paramore song)