Tuesday, September 13, 2016

Now that you've forgotten what happened with us

What do I do, when all I tried to give was love, kindness, and respect, and all you gave in return were text messages that were never sent?

I was overcompensating for what, I don't know. I was trying to love you, forgive you, and then forget us. I shook myself up and left it behind, knowing that I tried my best.

Still, the lingering bitterness on my tongue reminds me that you didn't deserve it all.

Friday, August 26, 2016

Friday, July 8, 2016

Wednesday, May 18, 2016

Why didn't you love me when you could?

I think you could have been the one. On paper we checked all the boxes. But I don't think you will ever love me the way I need. I was always trying to love you, and the most you could utter was that noone ever loved you the way I did.

Baby I don't want you to love me because I love you. Love is not a favour you pay in return.

I want you to say that Amy, damn it, you are so weird. You talk about things noone cares about and you act like a child. Stop acting like a child. Damn it Amy why are you so broken and why do you stare at the light with that empty look? You are bipolar, you're a hypocrite, you're a clean freak. You are so weird, so broken, so full of contradictions, and it annoys the fuck out of me but I fucking love you Amy.

You didn't love me like that, did you?

Thursday, April 7, 2016

The distance between us

I was curling up in your arms, my head laying on your shoulders, my hand feeling the quiet beating inside your chest. Yet I know our hearts both belonged to somewhere we had left behind.

You were lying next to me and holding my hands. You smiled at me but I wasn't sure if it was a tired smile, or a sympathetic smile for all the memories we couldn't have because we could not and would not be together anymore.
The distance between us is not measured by transoceanic airplane flights or cross-continent train rides. I cannot travel the distance between our hearts.

Monday, February 22, 2016


Sunsets don't hurt the way they used to.

I never even considered the possibility of potentially growing old alone, without a partner. But now, when dating seems equally joyful and hurtful, when there seems to be better things in life that having a family and kids, that possibility seems more real. It creeps in my dreams at night when I lie between cold sheets, alone in bed.

But my heart doesn't ache at loneliness anymore. I am no longer afraid. Being able to share the wonders of the world with someone is a blessing, but, just maybe, some people aren't meant to be with anyone else. Maybe they are to spend time loving themselves, better and deeper every single day. Then so be it.

I am not anti-love. I love love.

And so if I meet you and fall in love, you will know how special you are. I will not be wanting love; I will be wanting you. Despite being happier when I'm single, despite not needing another to feel complete, I will still want to be with you.  

Stranger, I will love you, despite it all.

Saturday, January 23, 2016

The "casual" vulnerability with you

We can have a casual sexual relationship.

But will it ever be casual, how my skin feels against your body and your bed sheets? Will it be casual, when my fingers fill the gaps between yours? Will it ever be casual, the secrets we share when my head lies on your chest?

I let a little vulnerability slipped when you introduce me to your girlfriend. A casual sort of pain.